The Bitter Girls’ Diary

After a relaxing but unremarkable weekend (except for BATMAN!), I went on a date on Monday from Match.com. It wasn’t bad but there was nothing there. I mean after hearing about his three cars (yes three), and his mustang and rebuilding the mustang and just nodding and being supportive of the interest I wanted to put my head into a gas oven and turn it on.

Okay, okay. So it wasn’t that bad. But it’s not he wasn’t interesting he just wasn’t interesting to me. More than the cars, he was a former fraternity guy who had mentioned the last time he was in DC (my old stomping grounds) he had gone for his two year frat meet-up. He also was an army reserve — again not bad just, not me. Mostly he kept referring to himself as a ginger (red-head). Once I’m cool with, but anymore and it’s like Saturday morning watching Saved By the Bell: The New Class. So I sound terrible right now. Anyway, we had a drink stayed for about an hour and half. Gave him a hug and called BitterBetty. Briefed Betty and it sounded more like her type. After that I called my BFF in Austin to talk about how awful I am at dating. He’s a good friend and tried to make the guy with the three cars not sound awful. It didn’t work.

Totally aside, I did crazyblinddate (which I totally love and plan on doing again soon), this very short — yes short gentleman who has an affinity for talking about money all the time — keeps finding me on various social networking sites and adding me as friend. He didn’t get the hint when I have yet to respond to any of them. No, I do not want to be friends with you on Yelp or Twitter or anything else.

So the past few days have been spent doing a lot of thinking and crying. Yes, crying. I cry a lot. I’ve come to the realazation that I am genuinely unhappy and lonely…to the point that sometimes I don’t even want to live. I’ve felt like this before and it usually passes after Aunt Flo has made her monthly visit. But this time it’s different, I think. The fear of being alone for the rest of my life has sunk in. I look around and notice that all my friends are in some sort of relationship and there’s me. Lonely, Bitter Betty.

I’m trying my damn hardest to snap out of it and be positive instead of sitting at home wallowing in my sorrows. I try to tell myself that I will meet someone, but I get so discouraged and want to just crawl in a hole and never come out. Accepting the fact that I may be alone for the rest of my life is letting go of the two biggest dreams in my life – being a wife and a mother. I find it difficult to believe that this can truly be my fate…a life of lonelyness. Shit, I can’t even be the cat lady since I’m allergic to cats.

What’s that you say? Get out and do something about it? You are talking to one of the most social people I know. Lets just say I have double b

Alas dear friends, if my poor computer was working I would have posted but now I’m stuck staying way past a normal hour to share my weekend bitterness.

What is it about technology that makes a girl weep? Have a few drinks and suddenly the idea of a text or e-mail (thank you Blackberry) seem like an idea of the gods above. I pray victim to this affliction a lot. However, last Saturday it was from a past crush over 6 months. Yes. Six months and I got the bright idea to e-mail. Did I say anything witty? Oh gracious no, I asked if said gentleman was going to a concert in a few months. Why?!

I ask my friends to take away my phone but I am a grown adult. I should be able to handle the fact that I have the ability to e-mail but should I? No! I don’t understand this cycle I put myself into. It really is me. I am that crazy girl. I don’t like being her, but I can’t get out of it. Next time I’ll aim to throw my phone in the Pacific Ocean. If you can’t get a hold of me next weekend you’ll know I saved my self from more embarrassment but won’t be able to call you back.

And in case you are wondering, I have not yet received a e-mail reply. I’m betting that’s not going to happen.

Damn it all. A bitter girl with technology stuck in a singlehood.

It’s Friday! Thank goodness. As usual, I feel hopeful and ready for the weekend. I have plans to go out and meet people (cute boys) and hang out with friends. This is my vicous cycle. I go out on the weekend full of hope that this is the night I meet Mr. Right, then I have one too many Vodka Redbulls, dance like a cheap stripper and lose interest in guys when they strart talking to the busty blondes. Or I’m on my A game and get no attention. Alas, I get frustrated, sad, depressed, bitter and go home to cry and decide I’m going to forever be single.

I’m taking a different approach this weekend, or trying to atleast. Still going out, still going to be social, still going to have the best time I know how. What am I doing differently? I’m not going out with a plan to meet Mr. Father of my Children. None of that. I’m just out for a good time, if I meet someone then that’s just an added bonus. Don’t meet anyone? Oh well. According to an article I read today (I’ll link you later) the odds are with me to get married – 90 percent of the US population will get married. When? Who knows. But hey, someday is better than never I guess.

So there. Did you hear that universe? Bitter Betty is going out to have fun with the people she loves!

Now, don’t be surprised if come Monday I’m just as bitter if not worse. Sundays depress me. I sit in my big apartment all alone and wonder if I’ll always be alone. Why do I do that? Because I likely, at some point, fell rejected over the weekend. OK, no more bitter…for now. Just positive Patty! Good luck to all the single ladies out there this weekend!

Apologizes to BitterBetty, I was out all day yesterday and when I got back to the office I had to jet for an event.

What is it about events and parties that make singlehood suck so much. Last night my friend and I (not BitterBetty) were at a party. And I realized if I was going to be approached at all, I had to be the approacher. I fully admit I’m an awkward girl. Not in the sense of extra arms and legs but I laugh at in appropriate times and usually when talking stupid falls out. But last night, I was all game. I went forth and chatted and flirted and tried to hold back the stupid. But I realized how much I hate this game. You have to whore yourself out to speak to enough people, to meet enough people and then at the end of the night when you are mentally exhausted — you have no numbers, nothing.

It’s hard for anyone to date but I give up to easy. Cheers to Friday.

I have a secret to share. A secret only my friend Connie knows. I recently joined an online dating site, only for her moral support of course. That’s what I keep telling myself. Anyway, I’m trying to be good and positive and open – note to self that is HUGE for me. So I look through this meat market to find my suitable match – tall (I’m a tall girl, so I need a tall gentleman), handsome, hardworking, successful, wants kids, and college educated. Am I asking for too much? I mean he doesn’t have to be a model or anything just attractive to me. I find some suitable matches and “wink”. Is the winking lame?

Here I am, day five, 10 winks later without any potential dates. This is usually where I give up and decide I will be alone forever. But I have vowed to keep an open mind, so I am not giving up…yet. BTW, this in no way whatsoever helps my ego. You can see who has looked at your profile, so I know that some of these dudes have looked at my page and not found me attractive or a match, whatever the case maybe. Ahh the rejection of online dating, gotta love it!

This thing has three months to prove itself before I’m over it and my subscription expires. I’m off to find a match. Wish me luck!

Thanks to BitterBetty for starting it off right. Why I am bitter? I’m bitter because I’m tired of of my friends telling me that someone will come along. Shove off and get over it. That’s like saying someone will go blind and find me attractive but until that point he’s not right for me. Overdramatic? Check.I just want someone to say hey you single, smart and maybe not as sexy but funny girl. I heart you. And yes, I speak internet or pretend to.

What worse than friends and no “I heart you?” Having your parents tell you that they want to pay for a dating service for you. I’m 26 damn it, when did I become the old maid?

I’d rant longer and try and be as eloquent as my dear friend BitterBetty but that may have to wait until morning.

That’s the question I get everyday from friends. Why so bitter? My response? A very mellow “I don’t know.” That’s a bunch of BS, I do know why I’m so bitter. It’s called being single. SINGLE. I have not been this single in a very long time. No crushes, no dating, no giving out my number, no potentials in the burner, no secret admirer, no one to stalk, no one to call at 2am after I’ve had too much to drink. Zip. Nada. I’m bored which translates to “I’m bitter.”

It seems like everyone is in a relationship now days. All my friends, minus two, are in relationships, engaged, married, and/or having babies. I think I might have to find new friends if this pattern continues. We all know friends forget about their girlfriends when they are in relationships. OK, so maybe I’m not being fair. And yes, maybe I’m even a little jealous. Or a lot. What-evs.

Dating is just so damn hard. Heck who am I kidding. It’s not even the dating part that is hard, it’s the meeting men part that’s hard. They all seem to want the skinny girl with triple D boobs, and PS that is so NOT me. Well I have the boobs part going for me, but not at all skinny. I like to say curvy…whatever that means. I sometimes can’t help but wonder what is wrong with me? I’m attractive, smart, hard-working, friendly, yet, nothing. I don’t smell, I know I don’t. I bathe daily and wear nice perfume.

OK, so there it is. I’m bitter because I’m single and fear I’ll never meet this Mr. Right character. I fear I’ll never get married. I fear I’ll never go on another date. I feel rejected and become even more bitter. Wow, that was a load off. Ha. I promised my friend V that I’ll be a negative Nelly for one more day and snap out of it. We’ll see how that goes.

BitterBetty and I have been contemplating blogging for a bit now. See, we chat back and forth and realized our bitterness needed a new home, a new place to share it. We also read this fabulous Newsweek article, detailing the healing powers of blogging and since neither of us can afford, or feels compelled to try therapy, we went for the blog.