The Bitter Girls’ Diary

Or I hope…

It’s been a couple of weeks (err a month?) and I decided to come back to blogging. It’s my ploy to be good at life. I’m not good at life. My friends will tell you this. Not that I’m horrible but I have this utter obsession with being trademark good at life and while I appreciate people telling me no one can be that; I disagree.

So the past few weeks I have been solid about going on one date here and there, nothing beyond that. A few more crazyblinddates. I admit that blind dates don’t freak me out. It’s because I have nothing to lose. I’m much more nervous and anxious about going on dates where I am interested in the person.

So I’m writing again because I started this blog with Betty to get better. I’ll be frank here because if I am ever going to date and like me I should be okay sharing things. That says for the 14 or so (maybe more) people that read this blog. I have neurofibromatosis. Right now the case is pretty mild but it’s really destroyed my self-esteem. No self-esteem makes me pretty worthless at dating. I can’t ever imagine anyone ever wanting to be with me.

My bitterness comes I guess more at myself that at the male population but who ever said I was good at life? I’m working on that.

Happy Monday. Note that should be said without a twang of bitterness. What’s up with Connie today? Well Connie went to Outside Lands in SF this weekend. Her good friend got hurt (sadface) and Connie stepped in.

Something about live music and cute boys that just made Connie okay. Ask her if she got any numbers and she’ll use her stitches as an excuse but at least the weekend made her happy, err me happy. From Devendra to M.Ward, Wilco, Tom Petty — the list goes on but needless to say hot boys were everywhere. Drunk mostly, but hot none the less.

On Sunday, the last day of the concert, I randomly saw a boy I had met the previous week in the park. We made eye contact and I smiled and that was that. It was enough to give me hope that I am not the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Betty yelled at me for not accidentally running in to him (in the physical sense). He was with a group of people getting people to register to vote. I am bad at this whole flirting and dating thing. It also doesn’t help that my favorite romance movie, Now Voyager is about unrequited love. But I’m working on it Betty, really I am.

A new leaf? Nope, it’s just Monday and almost September. Silly or not, I always considers starting fresh in September just like the school year. It doesn’t matter that I’ve haven’t started classes since finishing college and my master’s degree.

Fall is here and that makes me happy. I love fall. Something about growing up in the Midwest with the leaves changing and the crisp air just reinvigorates me. I think that this will be good. I think part of my optimize comes with spending the weekend with one of my friends who is in a very positive and happy relationship. She’s good at remaining friends and having a relationship. I often give her mad props because it can be difficult to balance the two and I think she does it well.

Lessons learned: Outdoor concerts have plenty of hot men who have similar interests to moi. Next time I’ll chat one up or I’ll just lie and tell everyone I did.

It has been like winter. The weather is gloomy. I am gloomy. I am totally no fun at all. I need a swift kick in the pants.

New goal. Moving back to actually wanting to go on dates and self-improvement. A) Getting rid of my 90s style over grown eye-brows. Please, it’s a personal thing. B) Realizing that I cannot put my worth into an online dating profile. It’s hard not to when you’ve carried the balls. You know, man-up’d to wink, write e-mails and haven’t even gotten a nice no thank you response. Hell, I’d even respect him if he said no way, celebrity slut. C) Getting off my ass to run again. For this, I need to wait until I’m a bit more healed but dudes, running makes my head clear. D) Getting over past crushes. I think that’s the biggest thing. Safety is knowing that you like someone but nothing can ever happen. Safety is also being alone in my case. I need a cleanse a good slap on the wrist and a good-at-life speech.

Betty, I feel like I’m a Hallmark card right now. Let’s see if I can make this last. Bets? One week? One day? One hour?