The Bitter Girls’ Diary

I think alcohol should come with a warning label about technology. Three glasses of wine and a visit to MySpace can equal disaster. So two nights in a row I have enjoyed the yummy taste of red wine. And then, once my brain has soaked up all the booze, I decide popping the laptop open and visiting social networking sites is a brilliant idea.

There’s this guy I pined over for about 11 years, yes 11 years. He was my first love that never got very far. We were the best of friends and then in 9th grade we kissed and it all went to the shits. He got all weird and after a while stopped talking to me. Only problem was I never got over him. He was my first kiss and at the very mature age of 14 I decided I wanted him to be the last. Obviously he did not feel the same way. So, a VERY long story short, for years I stalked him. There is no better word to describe my behavior. If i saw him on the street I would follow him. Then in college, I found out where he worked and made many visits to his store. But it only got better with time. I was convinced we were star crossed lovers and that I had to make it work. I tried running into him so many times. We’d see each other and pretend we didn’t know each other. Then I wrote some lame letter telling him I was still in love with him and actually put it in the mail and sent it. I was crushed when I never heard back. Can you say crazy!? So finally on the eve of my 25th birthday I followed him one last time, and realized I was nuts. I stopped cold turkey.

Search after search I found him on MySpace. I don’t know what I was hoping for, but what I did find was that he was in love with a beautiful girl. I cried for a few days and moved on. I had been living in peace for years thinking I was dead to him. I was humiliated at all the stuff I had done and had no desire to see him or talk to him.

Until Sunday night and three bottles of wine later (I had help drinking all that). We were pretty smashed and decided to jump online. I searched for him and found him. It’s then that I had the brilliant idea to email him and apologize for being so crazy and congratulate him on life. Obviously I still have a little crazy in me. I began to draft the email and luckily began sobering up too. I stopped. Closed my laptop and told myself that it was a crazy thing to do.

Monday night I had left over wine that needed to be finished, I obliged. I had a warm buzz going and decided to check email. Seriously, a warning sign would be good! I went to MySpace and told myself I would just look one last time. Then I started drafting the email yet again. I texted my cousin before hitting the send button and she stopped me, thankfully! She did ask a very valid question – what do you think you will acheive from emailing him?

She got me. Fifteen years later I still have a ridiculous ouce of hope that he is my soulmate. I am not in any way attracted to him anymore. I have no idea who he has become, but the 13 year old that lives in my heart is still in love with that 14 year old I met the first day of eighth grade. I’ve cut myself off cold turkey again. No looking on his MySpace page – I have to put $1 in my crush jar everytime I look. On the other hand, one has to wonder why I’m still holding on by a string. And why the universe insists in keeping in proximity of each other – his mother lives on the other side of the street from my mother and we work down the street from each other….

With that said, I have my way too short dress and way too high heels in the car and am ready for my Friday night adventures. I’m trying my damn hardest to be positive and non-bitchy this evening. And that can only last until one of my friends from the relationship cult erks me the wrong way. It’s then I plan to remind them what is so fun about being single. What is that you ask? For one, I look better than ever, when most of them have pudged on the relationship pounds, mean? Maybe just a little. Then there’s the part that I can still talk to anyone in a bar and even go home with them if my heart desires. What else is great about being single? Hmm, can’t think of much more, but I’m sure there is plenty.

So with my slutty little dress, let me rephrase that, my hot and sassy little number, I plan to be on my A game and channel my inner Samantha Jones. They all say that’s who I most resemble, so I’m going to be my alter ego for the evening. I’ll be positive and secure and pretty and sexy and HOT. And with that I leave you.

Have a wonderful weekend and cheers to all the single ladies!

Hugs!

Yeah yeah yeah, so it’s been a while since I posted. Shoot me. I’ve been busy and in tornado of bitterness. I’m feeling slightly more positive these days. I’m like an emotional roller coaster – I’m happy, I’m sad, I love life, I want to die. Welcome to a day in the brain of Bitter Betty. I’ve been slightly better though. Now it’s not singlehood that as my panties in a bunch, it’s my friends. Don’t they all just drive you freaking crzy sometimes? Ugh. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends, but sometimes I really am their worse enemy.

So, I’m officially the lone single person in my three, yes three, circles of friends – read: Bitter Betty needs new friends. We all know friends dump you when they are in relationships, we’ve all done it. They all say things will never change. Really? I beg to differ. It’s like they get sucked into a relationship cult. All of a sudden they are no longer “I” they become a “We”. We this, we that. Bite me. We have plans, we are going to the beach. Or my favorite, I’d like to bring Joe Schmoe to whatever, he’s never been. That’s because it’s a thing you do with your girlfriends, dumbass!

And then I become the bitchy Bitter Betty. I wonder how the less attarctive girls get the guys. I mean really, theses girls have got some ugly teeth, are pale as a ghost, have mad wrinkles under the eyes, and are sometimes just plain freaking annoying. Oh yes I forgot, they’re skinny. I told you I was being bitchy didn’t I? Ok, fine, back to being just bitter. Bitter for being dumped…by my GIRLFRIENDS.

Don’t worry Betty you can always hang out with us. US! I don’t want to hang out with us, I want to hang out with you. It’s not that I don’t like their boy friends, it’s that I miss girl time. Getting stupid drunk, hitting on every guy in a bar, making out with strangers, holding each others hair while we puke in a gutter. Fine, so maybe we are a bit old for some of that, but can we at least go out and have a good time?

Which brings to my next gripe. I swear relationships strip women of their fun skills. Example # 1: On vaction and all of a sudden she doesn’t “get drunk” anymore or dance with guys or dance on bar tops. Ok, so the dancing on bar tops might be pushing it, but since when does dancing equal cheating? Example #2: “You’ve had too much drink, you need to grow up, we are too old to act like this.” Bitch, please, we were just out doing this very thing a few months ago! Bitter? You think?

And this my friends is the blog that will make all my friends delete me. LOL!!!!

After a relaxing but unremarkable weekend (except for BATMAN!), I went on a date on Monday from Match.com. It wasn’t bad but there was nothing there. I mean after hearing about his three cars (yes three), and his mustang and rebuilding the mustang and just nodding and being supportive of the interest I wanted to put my head into a gas oven and turn it on.

Okay, okay. So it wasn’t that bad. But it’s not he wasn’t interesting he just wasn’t interesting to me. More than the cars, he was a former fraternity guy who had mentioned the last time he was in DC (my old stomping grounds) he had gone for his two year frat meet-up. He also was an army reserve — again not bad just, not me. Mostly he kept referring to himself as a ginger (red-head). Once I’m cool with, but anymore and it’s like Saturday morning watching Saved By the Bell: The New Class. So I sound terrible right now. Anyway, we had a drink stayed for about an hour and half. Gave him a hug and called BitterBetty. Briefed Betty and it sounded more like her type. After that I called my BFF in Austin to talk about how awful I am at dating. He’s a good friend and tried to make the guy with the three cars not sound awful. It didn’t work.

Totally aside, I did crazyblinddate (which I totally love and plan on doing again soon), this very short — yes short gentleman who has an affinity for talking about money all the time — keeps finding me on various social networking sites and adding me as friend. He didn’t get the hint when I have yet to respond to any of them. No, I do not want to be friends with you on Yelp or Twitter or anything else.